This is the most important skill nobody taught you

This is the most important skill nobody taught youThis is the most important skill nobody taught youBeforedyingat theageof 39,Blaise Pascalmade hugecontributionstobothphysics and mathematics,notablyinfluids,geometry, andprobability. This work, however,wouldinfluence mora than just therealmof the natural sciences. Many fields that we nowclassifyunder the heading of social science did, in fact, alsogrow outof the foundation he helpedlay.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreInterestinglyenough, much of this welchesdonein histeenyears, with some of it coming in histwenties.As an adult, inspired by areligiousexperience,he actually departureed to move towards philosophy and theology.Right before his death, he washashingoutfragmentsof private thoughts that would later bereleasedas a collection bythenameofPenses.While thebookis mostly a mathematicians case for choosing a life of faith and b elief,themorecurious thingaboutit isitsclear andlucidruminationson what it means to be human.Its ablueprintof ur psychology long before psychology wasdeemeda formaldiscipline.There isenoughthought-provokingmaterial in it to quote,and it attackshumannature from a variety ofdifferent angles,but one of its mostfamousthoughtsaptlysums upthe core of his argumentAll of humanitysproblemsstem frommansinability to sitquietlyin aroomalone.According toPascal,we fearthesilenceof existence,wedreadboredomandinsteadchooseaimlessdistraction,andwecant helpbutrun from theproblemsof uremotionsinto the false comforts of the mind.Theissue at theroot, essentially,isthatweneverlearntheart of solitude.ThePerilsof Being ConnectedToday, more than ever, Pascals messageringstrue.If there is one word to describe the progress made in the last 100 years,itsconnectedness.Informationtechnologies have dominated our culturaldirection.From the telephone to theradioto the TV to the internet, we have found ways to bring us all closer together, enabling constantworldlyaccess.I can sit in my office in Canada and transport myself to practically anywhere I want through Skype. I can be on the other side of the world and still know what is going on at home with a quick browse.I dont think I need to highlight the benefits ofall this.Butthedownsidesare also beginning to show.Beyond the currenttalk aboutprivacy and data collection, there is perhaps an even moredetrimentalside-effecthere.Wenow liveina world wherewereconnectedtoeverythingexceptourselves.If Pascals observation aboutourinability to sit quietly in a room by ourselves is true of thehuman conditionin general, then theissue has certainly been augmentedby an order of magnitude due to the options available today.The logic is, of course,seductive.Why be alone when you never have to?Well,the answer is thatnever being alone is not the same thing as never feeling alone.Worse yet,theless comfortable you are with solitude, themore likely it is that you wo nt know yourself.And then, youll spend even more time avoiding it to focus elsewhere.In the process,youll become addicted to the same technologies that were meant to set you free.Justbecause we can use the noise of the world toblock outthe discomfort of dealing with ourselves doesnt mean that this discomfort goes away.Almost everybody thinks ofthemselves as self-aware.They think they know how they feeland what they want and what their problems are.But the truth is that very few people really do.Andthose that do will be the first to tellhowfickleself-awareness is andhow much alone timeittakes to get there.In todays world,people can go their whole lives without truly digging beyondthe surface-level masks they wearin fact, many do.We areincreasinglyout of touch with who we are, and thats a problem.Boredomas a Mode ofStimulationIf we take it back to the fundamentals - and this is something Pascal touches on, too - ouraversionto solitudeis really anaversionto boredom.At its core,its not necessarily that we are addicted to a TV setbecause there is something uniquely satisfying about it, just likewe are not addicted to most stimulantsbecause thebenefitsoutweighthe downsides.Rather,whatwe are really addicted to is astateofnot-being-bored.Almostanythingelse that controls our life in anunhealthyway finds its root inour realization thatwe dread the nothingness of nothing.Wecant imagine justbeingrather thandoing.And therefore,we look forentertainment, we seek company, and if those fail,we chase even higherhighs.We ignore the fact thatnever facing this nothingness isthesame as never facing ourselves.Andnever facing ourselvesis whywe feel lonely and anxiousin spite of being so intimately connected to everything else around us.Fortunately, there is a solution.The only waytoavoid being ruinedby this fear- like any fear - is tofaceit.Its tolet theboredom take you where it wants so you can deal with whatever it is that is really going on with your sense of self.Thats whenyoul l hear yourself think, and thats when youlllearn to engagethe parts of you that are masked by distraction.The beauty of this is that, once you cross that initial barrier, you realize thatbeing alone isnt so bad.Boredom can provide its ownstimulation.When you surround yourself with moments of solitude andstillness, you becomeintimatelyfamiliar with your environmentin a way that forced stimulation doesnt allow.The world becomes richer, thelayersstart to peel back, and you see things for what they really are, in all their wholeness, in all theircontradictions, and in all their unfamiliarity.You learn that there are other things you are capable of paying attention to than just what makes the most noise on the surface.Just because a quiet room doesnt screamwith excitementlike the idea ofimmersingyourself in a movieor a TV show doesnt mean that there isnt depth to explore there.Sometimes,the direction that this solitude leads you in can be unpleasant, especially when it comes tointrospect ion- your thoughts and your feelings, your doubts and your hopes - but in the long-term, its far more pleasant than running away from it all without even realizing that you are.Embracing boredomallows you to discovernoveltyin things you didnt know were novelits like being an unconditioned child seeing the world for the first time.It alsoresolvesthe majority of internal conflicts.The TakeawayThe more the world advances, the more stimulation it will provide as anincentivefor us to get outside of our own mind to engage with it.While Pascals generalization that a lack of comfort with solitude is the root of all our problems may be anexaggeration, it isnt an entirelyunmeritedone.Everything that has done so much to connect us has simultaneously isolated us.We are so busy being distracted that we areforgetting to tend to ourselves, which is consequently making us feel more and more alone.Interestingly,the mainculpritisnt our obsession with any particular worldly stimulation.Itsthe fear o f nothingness- ouraddiction to a state of not-being-bored.We have an instinctiveaversionto simplybeing.Withoutrealizing the value of solitude, we are overlooking the fact that,once the fear of boredom is faced,it can actually provide its own stimulation.Andthe only waytoface it is to make time, whether every day or every week, tojust sit - with our thoughts, our feelings, with a moment of stillness.Theoldest philosophical wisdom in the world has one piece of advice for usknow yourself.And there is a good reason why that is.Withoutknowing ourselves, its almost impossible to find a healthy way to interact with theworldaround us.Without takingtime to figure it out, we dont have a foundation to build the rest of our lives on.Being alone and connecting inwardlyis a skill nobody ever teaches us.Thats ironic because its more important than most of the ones they do.Solitude may not be the solution to everything, but it certainly is a start.Want to think and live smarter?Zat Ranapublishes a free weekly newsletter for 30,000+ readers atDesign Luck.Thisarticlewas originally published onDesign Luck.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people